Last year, I turned 30. THIR. TY.
It seemed like something impossible, to be so "old" (according to my younger self's impression of what being 30 meant) and at the same time, to feel so utterly young - as though I haven't really lived that long on this Earth.
I felt this overbearing sense of doom looming over, as if life was nearly over. Dramatic, you bet. But that doesn't change the impression this birthday made on me. Deep down, I knew life wasn't over. But I also understood that if I wanted to do something new, learn an inspiring skill, it was high time I did so.
And so, as a three-oh birthday present, my beautiful sister gifted me an iPad and an Apple pencil. The race was on.
I've always considered myself artistic
I always loved drawing, scribbling, painting, and when I discovered it years after - photographing things. My mom even took me to oil painting lessons when I was really young, where I explored pencil, charcoal, and oil techniques for several years. A broken wrist and typical childhood boredom led me to stop, but boy - now I wish I hadn't.
Below is a painting I made when I was around 9-10 years old. Sadly, it's the only starting reference for artistic work I have. The rest is buried in my childhood home and I've already tasked my mom with gathering all this junk for me so I can make a full recount of my artistic journey. But more on that soon.
Anywhooooo, as you can tell, I've always considered myself to be artistic. In middle school, I used to kill myself in doing the most beautiful "notebook titles" you've ever seen. Markers and heavy black ink were my thing. In high school, it was less about color and all about flowery patterns in the corners of my notes. In college, I just forgot all of it due to the hecticness that was working three jobs and going to night classes.
As a working adult, I never thought to pursue art other than a focus on amateur travel and portrait photography. But I always had that nagging feeling of what if. What if I picked it up again? But all sorts of excuses came up:
- Painting/drawing materials are expensive (they really aren't...)
- I don't have time to do this (pffft! Worst excuse EVER).
- Digital painting isn't as expensive since you only buy a tablet, but is it really worth the investment?
- What if I suck at it?
The last one was the truly important one, the excuse that kept me from even trying. But my sister saw my excuses and shoved them down the drain when she gifted me that iPad. Immediately, I bought and downloaded Procreate and got started on courses.
And you know what? I SUCKED! :D
It's not about the final output, it's about the process
I sucked really, really bad. But it didn't matter because I was enjoying myself. It was a bit like a self-discovery journey, because you have to paint what you like. So I had to ask myself, what do I like? What artists and styles do I admire? Why do I find them appealing? Are they interesting enough for me that I would want to mimic this into my art?
And time passed, and while I wasn't great, I was learning. I bought a bajillion courses on all sorts of platforms, from Domestika, to Class 101, to even individual tutorials and Patreon accesses. And today, I can finally say that while I'm still nothing more than an amateur artist, I'm proud of the progress I've achieved.
Here is the first portrait I drew by tracing a photograph:
It's overall good, and while I was proud of it, I felt like a cheater. Today, I know I wasn't cheating, I was learning. They are two very different things.
Here is the first portrait I drew from scratch:
It's bad, but not THAT bad. And while I knew there were a lot of anatomically incorrect things about it, things that I knew I would have to fix after, I was super proud of it. Of the work that I put into it.
Finally, here is my repainted version of the portrait above:
This is only FIVE months after that first wonky portrait was drawn. Not even half a year went by, and the progress is shining through.
Bottom line, don't be afraid to start. Don't let fear of failure be a driving factor in your life - it only leads to lack of fulfillment and unhappiness.
If you don't feel confident in doing a full portrait from scratch, then trace it instead! You'll learn the basics of the human figure's shapes and lines. Slowly progress out, and start to see your mistakes for what they really are: learning opportunities.
There's nothing wrong with failing while learning. There is, however, something inherently wrong with being too scared to start something you're interested in because you're afraid of being bad at it. Let's face it - you're not gonna be great starting out. But that is NOT the point. The point is doing something you enjoy, growing from and through it, and building something with your own two hands that makes you proud. The point, really, is allowing yourself to live, learn, and enjoy <3
This was my art journey along with its never-ending progress. I hope it helps inspire you to start yours.